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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Day the Dam Broke.... All Over Our Front Lawn

Well, it has happened. That's right, the inevitable has occurred, the dam has broken, the proverbial poo has hit the fan. The hurricane and I have finally come to blows and it was exactly as I expected. I said only a fraction of what I thought and she screamed expletives at Brian and me on our front lawn. It was humiliating to say the least. If Brian had been drunk and wearing a wife beater and I had a dirty baby wearing only a loaded diaper on my hip and a cigarette hanging out of my toothless mouth we would have all been in full white trash glory. It started simply enough. Let me explain.
The hurricane has two long lost sisters who showed up on her doorstep about a year ago. Apparently, these are the children of her mothers first marriage or relationship - I'm not sure which. Decades ago, for reasons I'm not privy to, her mother left the children and started a new life. Nobody but her current husband knew about these other children until they showed up at the door. Needless to say, this has been a huge issue for the family to deal with.
On top of the "secret children" issue, one of the sisters has pancreatic cancer, a horrible illness, to be sure. For the most part, however, she appears to do fairly well, all things considered. Alex and Jessica seem to get along with the one sister but Nicholas has bonded with the sister with cancer. Recently, there was a development in the sisters illness when a new tumor was found. Given the situation the children struggle with as far as Nicholas' cancer is concerned, Brian and I felt it best to not share potentially upsetting news with them (especially Nicholas) and Brian asked her not to discuss it with them at this time. Guess who disagreed?
Sunday, Hurricane D. arrived to pick up Nicholas and Jessica for a visit. I came into the living room as she was talking to Brian's Alex. She informed me that she had told Alex and Jessica about the sisters new tumor. I shook my head in disbelief. Her immediate response was a heated, "Oh, what? You disagree?"
"Yes, I disagree. It's too much for them to deal with and it will end up getting back to Nicholas." I said.  From there things got worse. When pressed for further explanation of my opinions I informed her that in general I felt she had terrible boundaries and routinely told the children things that were horribly inappropriate. "Like what? How do I have poor boundaries?" she barked at me.
Oh dear God, I thought, let me count the ways. "Well, for starters how about asking me to fix you up with my ex-husband? Or telling the children that, 'Mommy got the cobwebs cleaned out.'? Both seem shockingly inappropriate to me." I said.
"I was kidding about your ex-husband and Alex was the one who said anything about cobwebs being cleaned out. Right Alex? Wasn't that your joke?" she was practically shrieking by now.
Alex readily agreed that the poor joke had been his, though I wasn't entirely sure I believed him.
"What Kathleen? Do you just want me to get out of your house?" she snapped.
"Honestly, yes please. Buh bye!" I said.
Clearly offended and yelling indecipherable rantings on her way out the door, she finally left. "You're a freaking nut job, lady." I said, as I closed the door. Yeah, I know not at all helpful or mature though an honest observation in my opinion.
Brian, having missed the entire "discussion" was in the bedroom. I went in to tell him what had just taken place when the phone rang. It was Jessica on her cell phone. "Mom wants to talk to Dad." she said, Dawn still ranting in the background. Brian said he would be outside in a minute. "He better get his ass out here right now because I've had it with her!" Dawn shrieked in the background.
Brian and I went outside. "What is your problem?" Brian asked.
"HER!" she bellowed. "She doesn't think I should have told the kids about my sister! She thinks I have horrible boundaries and I say inappropriate things to the kids!" she was screaming at this point.
"She's right" Brian said. "I told you not to tell them about your sister. These kids have so much to worry about with Nicholas right now why would you want to upset them even more? Why would you tell them something that is going to get back to Nicholas who is already scared about his own mortality?" he continued.
At this point I'll just paraphrase because there is just too much. There was a whole lot of "I guess I'm the worst mother in the world.", "No matter what you think, you're not their mother - I am!" and "Fine, you can tell the kids that you won't let them see me anymore" among other untrue and manipulative statements. There were also charming statements like, "I don't want a f---ing thing from you or her.", "F--- this.",  "F--- that.", "I never wanted your ex-husbands stupid ass." and so on. One interesting Freudian slip occurred when she told us she has been trying to remain "Sibyl" so far. I think she meant to say "civil".
We live in a quiet development so having her scream all of this at top volume while shaking, cigarette in hand and sunglasses askew on her face was just lovely. I can't even imagine what our neighbors think.
Finally, seeing we were not going to resolve this issue until cooler heads prevailed, Brian told her to knock it off and that we would send the kids out to her. As we walked into the house she continued screaming at us from across the lawn. Charming.... just charming.
Hours later, she did apologize to us both. As irritated as I still was, I suggested we put it behind us and start over.
The next day, Jessica told me that Dawn fussed at her for telling us about the cobweb comment. "Why would you tell them I said that?" she demanded. "Because you did!" Jessica said. As it turned out, Dawn  did say it and threw Alex under the bus to cover for herself. She put him on the spot and left him no option but to lie. And for what? Honestly, why does she care what I think? She could have told the truth, setting a good example for her son and what would I have done about it? Nothing! It always amazes me when some people will have two paths before them and will consistently pick the wrong one.